Frustrated Over Jim...

[FutureStar1977]

For many of you, you already know that earlier this year I started taking an anti-depressant. I was sinking into a hole that I felt I could not get out of without help. After everything I have been through in the past 2 years, no wonder I needed it.

However, I started to come off of the anti-depressant a few weeks ago. I am suppose to take it every day, but instead, I have dropped my dose down to taking it about 2-3 times a week. This is a particular medicine that you have to come off of gently or the withdrawls are horrible. So I have been taking less and less of the drug.

I emailed a friend of mine about a week ago telling them my progress with my depression because they had asked me about it. I told them that since my life is getting back on track and I am no longer going through the stuff I was before, that I feel that it is time for me to come off it. Things are better now. It got me through the really hard parts, but now that things are better, I felt I should come off of it. Why take a drug that you really don't need? It is a waste of time and money. Ya know?

Well, that sounds good and dandy right? It was, until I heard something tonight that about make me flip.

I was looking at the CBS website because Jim had done a 60 Mintues interview that will be airing this Sunday. There was a clip of the interview that I watched on the website. And during the interview, the guy asked Jim about his depression. Jim said that he was on Prozac for along time, but is now off of it because he feels that it got him through some difficult times but now everything is fine and he does not need it anymore.

OH MY GOD! I was freaking out because that was EXACTLY what I had said to a friend of mine about a week ago in an email.

It is so frustrating and depressing to me that there is another human being out there that I have so much in common with (our pasts and our presents) and this person happens to be famous and I have absolutely no way of just sitting down with him and having a conversation. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that he could understand me and I would not have to struggle to explain myself like I do with other people. He would know how I felt because he as also lived it. He has also gone through very similar situations.

But noooooo...he is famous and out of my reach. If this was any other human being, like Joe Shmoe off the street, I would feel the same way. I would want to talk with that person knowing that they would understand me and we could learn stuff from each other. But that person happens to be Jim Carrey. It is so frustrating to know that he is out there, could connect with me in a huge way, but I do not have that oppurtunity. This is not sexual, physical, or anything like that. Unlike some Jim Carrey fans, I do not have those kind of feelings for him. I look at him in a different light. I am not saying that it is wrong to like him in that way. But I am just saying that is not how I feel.

If this is hard for you to understand, just put yourself in my shoes. Imagine you had gone through some really hard times and you found out there was someone out there that could relate to you in a big way. Someone who you could talk to, understand, and have them completely understand you. So no matter what your personal situation is, imagine that you found someone that you could relate to fully. But the catch is...you know about that person, but that person does not know you exist. You know in your heart that talking to this person would make a lot of difference to you. But what do you know??? That person is not accessable. You feel like one piece of the puzzle and the other piece is missing. It makes you feel alone.

Sorry if any of you find this to be weird or overdramatic. But after going through hell and back over the last 2 years, I really do need a mentor. Someone who I can look up to, relate to, and who can understand me. Too bad this person does not know I exist.

[xLEMONADExLUCYx]

if its any consolation, i do understand exactly what you mean. i would love to sit down and talk to him... i have seen him as a mentor of mine since i was in 2nd grade... im a filmmaker, i do what i do because he made me love it when i was a kid.

now im 20, and he does interviews like this, and i just think... wow. this man, is great. he understand what im all about. the depth of his soul, his tortured, beaten, beautiful soul... its so real. to have gone through hell and come out on the other side as vibrant and amazing as he is... it gives us all hope.

we just have to smile and know that because someone out there like us can do what he is doing, then there is no reason why we can't either. he gives me hope... even if the odds are extremely against me ever meeting him. he can be a mentor from afar... hes been mine for years.

[Canadian Jayne]

Sometimes just knowing that someone has or is going through the same
thing is enough. How they overcame and how you or we can too.
There are many people in the world that are on anti-depressants,after
911 who wouldn't feel depressed.
If only we can find comfort knowing that we are all pulling for each
other and want the best and happiest life for each other, we will all
go through tests,trials,difficulties and have been there.
Now we move on, get prepared for the worst and if the worst doesn't
happen to us and does to someone else, ask if they need any help and
follow through. Like everyone being a Lifeguard to each other.

[FutureStar1977]

There are many people in the world that are on anti-depressants,after
911 who wouldn't feel depressed.

I do not want anyone here to think that I feel that I am the only one on antidepressants. LOL I know that there are millions out there who are.

My deal is just that I have gone through an extremely similar situation to Jim's. That is what makes me feel so connected.

I was living just fine. All of a sudden the rent goes up, I was laid off my job, had to move out of the apartment, lived out of a hotel for 7 weeks, ate through my savings paying for it, then had to resort to living in the car with my family. Then I was working in a hotel office in exchange for my stay there. This all happend over a 2 year period.

I am now back on my feet with an apartment, a good income etc. So I survived it. Just as Jim did. I have been wanting to act since I was a little girl and that is why I moved to LA almost 3 years ago. Even through all the hard times here, I never gave up and I did not run. That is why one of Jim's quotes hits so close to home for me. It says, "It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what's left?"

So that is why this situation is so hard for me. And xLEMONADExLUCYx hit it right on the head with this statement: "he understand what im all about. the depth of his soul, his tortured, beaten, beautiful soul... its so real."

[carreyd away]

The problem with celebrity is because you see them on screen, read their thoughts on interviews and see them on TV we feel connected to them and feel we know them. Unfortunately they are "actors" and usually are just playing the publicity game. As a former industry pawn let me tell you the person you see on camera is not the person you think they are. Many try to re-invent themselves to appear to be someone they aren't.

I think it's great that you are a fan of Jim's but it's not healthy to put a person on a pedastal and view them as a saviour. Only you can save yourself. I use Jim as therapy for depression. His movies make me smile, laugh and sometimes cry. He represents an escape for me, a tension reliever.

You should check with your therapist to see what kind of groups there are in your area so you can talk to people who are going through the same predicament. I'm sure you can find an accessable mentor in your area that you can gain inspiration and guidance from. And remember, you are not the first and only person to go through this, every person has a story to tell if you take the time to ask them

[FutureStar1977]

[carreypunkrawker]

The problem with celebrity is because you see them on screen, read their thoughts on interviews and see them on TV we feel connected to them and feel we know them. Unfortunately they are "actors" and usually are just playing the publicity game. As a former industry pawn let me tell you the person you see on camera is not the person you think they are. Many try to re-invent themselves to appear to be someone they aren't.

I think it's great that you are a fan of Jim's but it's not healthy to put a person on a pedastal and view them as a saviour. Only you can save yourself. I use Jim as therapy for depression. His movies make me smile, laugh and sometimes cry. He represents an escape for me, a tension reliever.

You should check with your therapist to see what kind of groups there are in your area so you can talk to people who are going through the same predicament. I'm sure you can find an accessable mentor in your area that you can gain inspiration and guidance from. And remember, you are not the first and only person to go through this, every person has a story to tell if you take the time to ask them

WELL SAID CARREYD AWAY! I have been on Anti Depressants as well for more than 6 years, it's about to become 7. I'm dependent on these anti depressants but I realize that for me, to stop taking them, would be suicide (literally).

I can't get off them because I suffer with depression so badly. Also, don't take Jim up as a mentor. and I thought he does know that you exist. Yes, Jim seems real and what he says is real, but I'm sure at times he's been a pain in the neck. I mean, he's been divorced twice. I know I shouldn't be one to judge, but I don't really look at Jim as a mentor or a savior. I don't mean to get freaky on you guys, but I accepted Christ and I believe that Christ heals people's illnesses, not only through faith, but through medicine as well!

But anyways, I'm fully on the side that Carreyd Away expresses. Just because Jim says something on television doesn't really mean that he knows what you're all about. Just because he says something that you can relate to doesn't make him all that real. He could be just saying what the public wants to hear. I doubt Jim would actually do that but hey, it's possible.

Plus, what Jim goes through doesn't tell YOU what YOU'RE all about. Everyone is different. The thing is, is that you got laid off, you suffered. The thing is with Jim is that his dad got laid off, and his dad and the rest of the family, including Jim had to suffer. In other words, you suffered directly, Jim suffered indirectly.

I understand what you're saying Marissa, and I don't want to start another fight, but it's not a really good idea to take Jim up as a mentor. You can get hurt. So, watch out. Just be cautious as to what comes to you as consequences, results, etc.

Also, I've had 20 or so close calls as to where I died. I still had a home and everything, but I was verbally and physically abused where it could have led to death. This is why I believe in Jesus Christ and God. They worked hard in Heaven to keep me alive and to serve a purpose in this world.

But congratulations on getting off the anti depressants! I'm proud of ya! I wish I could do that! But it's gonna be a long time before I get off of them.

ok, i"m gonna shut up now, but I really believe what Carreyd away said.

I don't think I'll ever get off anti depressants though. I think the depression thing for me is going to be lifelong. But I'm happy because I have God and Jesus Christ by my side, so it's good. I'm not religious. I'm just a believer.

I'm not trying to push my faith and God and Jesus down your throats. please don't take it that way.

Good luck and Congrats, Marissa, Once again!

[FutureStar1977]

I trusted the people on this board to support me. Not for them to imply that I am crazy, putting Jim on a pedstal, or told I need to see to my therapist.

First of all, I do not go to a therapist. I got my anti-depressants from a regular doctor. Not everyone in LA goes to a therapist...

Second of all, until you have been through what I have (there is a link at the bottom of this email so you can read my story and truly know what I have been through) it is really, really hard for me to take what you say at face value. Because unless you have gone through it too, then you do not know how I feel or what it is like in my shoes. THAT IS EXACTLY WHY TALKING TO Jim WOULD BE GREAT FOR ME. You guys are acting like I want to take him hostage or marry him. Damn, I only want to have a converstaion with another human being, what is the problem with that? He would understand me without me having to defend my position or story. Because he has lived what I have also gone through. THAT is why he would understand. I am tired of being judged or misunderstood because of people's ingnorance. If they have not lived it, then who are they to judge me ? Even before all this crap happend to me, I had already been admiring Jim for 12 years for his struggle and success.

I do NOT need to know Jim personally to know about his past, what he has been through, and what is going on in his life right now. I fully believe that Jim is a honest indivdual that has no need to make shit up or whatever. He is coming clean with his life (and depression issues) and I feel it is very sincere, otherwise why should he tell his story at all? Why could he not just go on without telling the public anything? I think Jim has changed a lot since his career started. I believe he has grown up in so many ways. I believe that he is finally being himself and not just putting on that clown face for the public anymore.

I pretty much knew going into this that people may have a hard time understanding me or my situation. But what you may not realize is that usually the people that have gone through what I have, it has been because of drugs, or bad life decisions. That is NOT why I ended up living out of a car with my family! I have never even tried drugs, let alone lose all my money and my apartment over them!! So for me to go to some group therapy session for others in this position, I STILL would not feel that they would understand me. Most of them are coming at this situation from a totally different angle.

Trust me, I have seen it. The hotel I had to work at in exchange for my room there, I saw many people that came and went through there at were druggies, prostitues, or transitents that had been living out of their cars refusing to straighten up their life and get a job. So that is why they were in their cars. So what am I to do? Talk to those kind of people? People who could never understand what it is like to loose everything even though I was living a straight, drug-free, lifestyle? Maybe I should try to contact the man who was living out of his car, I rented a room too, and then he died of a drug overdose that night! Maybe HE would understand. ::dripping with sarcasm:: Anyone who uses all their money on drugs and they lose their house or whatever because of it is asking for a hard life. But that is the difference, I did not do anything to cause my situation to happen.

That is why my situation is not as black and white as people would like to see it. There is a lot of gray area. This is NOT an arugement or situation anyone can judge me for unless YOU have been through it. That is why I get so defensive over it. It hurts when people judge me or tell me "wjhat I should do" when they do not know me or what my life is like.

I NEVER said that I was the only one to ever go through this. So please do not think that is what I meant to imply. I do not feel that way. I KNOW that there are plenty of people who have gone through hard times. But I would think that if someone on this board had gone through what I have, they would have said something by now and I would have someone here to talk to about this situation.

I talk to other people about their situations all the time. In fact, for some strange reason, I am the one that my friends come to for advice. People count on me to help them all the time. And why? Because through the situation I have been through, they have discovered how strong I really am. They have seen a change in me that inspires them. I am told that all the time. I am 27 years old. Not some 12 year old who does not know how the world works yet.

So I am sorry if I came off bitchy or rude. But like I said before, this is why I would love to have a converstation with Jim. Because I know that I would not have to defend myself or my story. Why? Because he has gone through almost the same thing I have and can honestly understand.

You can read my story at this link if you are interested: http://marissasims.blogspot.com/2004/11/my-story.html

[carreyd away]

Sorry, I was just trying to help. I didn't mean to offend or imply you needed help, I was just offering an alternative. I thought I was offering support.

I myself have been to 4 funerals this month and have two family members in the hospital, one will probably not see it through the holidays.

Hope it all works out for you.